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Winda Hardyanti, S.Sos., M.Si, a lecturer in Communication Science at the University of Muhammadiyah Malang (UMM) (Photo: Laili Humas) |
Opportunities to gather with family or friends who rarely meet often become special moments. However, it's not uncommon for them to ask more personal questions. Starting from 'When will you graduate? When will you get married? When will you have children?' and other cliché questions. For some people, these questions may seem normal. However, many also feel uncomfortable or confused in responding to them.
According to Winda Hardyanti, S.Sos., M.Si, a lecturer in Communication Science at the University of Muhammadiyah Malang (UMM), these questions are related to Indonesian culture, which enjoys small talk to initiate conversation. On the other hand, this is also a form of concern from others towards us, but in a different way.
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"In terms of interpersonal communication, these questions are related to someone's ability to open up or engage in self-disclosure. Many people ask to get feedback, but not everyone is comfortable with questions that tend towards personal achievements," Winda explains.
Furthermore, Winda highlights Joseph Devito's theory, which emphasizes that the level of self-disclosure in interpersonal communication is influenced by various factors. Firstly, the difference in situations within a large crowd and more personal environments. "When in a large crowd, individuals tend to feel less comfortable giving deep responses to the questions asked," she explains.
Secondly, there's the factor of affiliation, liking, or closeness. Someone who feels close will find it easier to answer and express their true answers without feeling awkward or uncomfortable. Thirdly, there's the factor of competence between the questioner and the respondent. If this is not balanced, there will be friction or counter-back in the conversation.
"Moreover, there's the factor of reciprocity, where there's mutual opening up or sharing stories between each other. This fosters empathy. Of course, there are still many other things to consider before asking questions. Just because it's been a long time since you met, doesn't mean you can just throw out any question. All must meet the factor of self-disclosure," she emphasizes.
However, individuals have control over how to respond to these questions. According to Winda, changing one's mindset towards other people's questions is much more beneficial than immediately giving a negative answer. For example, when someone asks, 'When will you graduate?' it's better to respond, 'Please pray for me.'
"If these questions are responded to with a negative mindset, then the communication cannot be considered effective communication. As a result, the relationship between both parties does not proceed well. Consider them caring, just not fully understanding the context," she adds.
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Furthermore, Winda also suggests responding to questions calmly, neutrally, and elegantly to keep emotions stable. Although it's okay to initiate a topic change, it's important to ensure it's not too far off and doesn't appear like you're uncomfortable.
"Caring is fine, as long as you ensure that you understand what and who is being asked. Choose another topic, as there are still many other topics that can be asked about to have an impact on effective communication and relationship sustainability. For example, hobbies or daily activities," she concludes.(lai/wil/fajr)
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