|Diana Savitri Hidayati, S.Psi., M.Psi. (Photo: Mirza/Humas)|
A lot of practice of intimidation until bullying in an educational environment recently became a warning for the Government. Of course, those various lists of the incident made some people infuriated. One of the newest incidents was the case of Audrey that ganged up and bullied, she is a student in one of a Junior High School in Pontianak, West Kalimantan.
The question is, how was the parent’s parenting towards their children? Explain Diana Savitri Hidayati, S.Psi., M.Psi., an expert in Children's Clinical Psychology & Family Resilience from Faculty of Psychology (FaPsi) University of Muhammadiyah Malang (UMM), from that side the case was related with the parenting patterns of their parents. “Because they were all under-age, all the responsibility is in their parents,” Diana said.
Related with the way of the parenting, controlling the play group where the child grows up is important. “The perpetrator perhaps found no comfort at home, and found a comfort outside,” she explains. Coincidentally, their escape group which is the playground tends to be negative.
What needs to be understood, if violence, threat, or coercion for abusive reason happened over and over to the same person, it can be called bullying. If it is once, it can’t be called bullying but intimidation. “If the case is a criminal act, that's the realm of law, In Audrey case, Psychology sees it as an error in parenting that happened to the perpetrator from their parents,” she said, Friday (12/3).
Diana was also concerned about the assault of Audrey. According to Diana, the junior and high school age phase is the period where children seeking for recognition and self-identity. Those periods of time need to be intensively assisted by the parents. The problem if the children did not assist by the parents, they will interpret everything based on their limited understanding.
An ideal family is a democratic family. Parents, said Diana, must play a role as a good listener. Children should also be given the opportunity to contribute in every decision making in a family. Parents can let their child do anything, but still, they need to be under their parent’s control. Also, prohibition needs to be added by the reason that can be understood by the children.
This kind of parenting, said Diana, is enough to make the children feel comfortable at home. By controlling their development, it doesn’t mean that we did not trust them. But, said Diana, as a parent, it is a must to understand how they grow and develop. ”Unfortunately there is no school that teaches how to be a good parent,” said Diana. (joh)